


The Christmas Song - Spike's Version

by Highlander_II



Series: Spike's Christmas Carols [4]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Christmas Carols, Crack Fic, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-13
Updated: 2004-12-13
Packaged: 2017-10-27 06:39:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/292730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Highlander_II/pseuds/Highlander_II
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Another Christmas, another song; more carolers to eat.</p><p><b>Disclaimer</b>: Characters belong to Joss Whedon and are property of Kuzui/Kuzui Entertainment, Mutant Enemy Productions, WB, UPN, FOX etc. etc. "The Christmas Song" written by Torme/Wells. No copyright infringement intended; 'tis all in fun.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	The Christmas Song - Spike's Version

**  
_Chestnuts roasting on an open fire_   
**

Oh please, not again. I don't think I can take much more of this.

 **  
_Jack Frost nipping at your nose_   
**

In California? I don't bloody think so.

 **  
_Yuletide carols being sung by a choir_   
**

Or by the evil sodding caroling types who sniff me out Every. Sodding. Year. Bugger off.

 **  
_And folks dressed up like Eskimos_   
**

*blinks and looks very confused* I don't think there are any Eskimos in LA.

  


 **  
_Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe_   
**

Whoa! Hold up - mistletoe. Yeah, okay, we can have that. Who's under it with me? That Slayer - no, the other one - her. That'd be good. Sorry, Blondie, you're off the list.

 **  
_help to make the season bright_   
**

Thought the lights did that.

 **  
_Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow_   
**

Kids? Now you've gone and brought kids here? Sod this. Can't play under the mistletoe with a bunch o' lil'nibblets runnin' around.

 **  
_will find it hard to sleep tonight_   
**

They're not the only ones.

  


 **  
_They know that Santa's on his way_   
**

Thought Anya cleared up this whole Santa thing. He disembowels children. These tots sure they wanna wait for him?

 **  
_He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh_   
**

*sigh* And the myth lives on. Please.

 **  
_And every mother's child is gonna spy_   
**

What about every father's child? They gonna do anything? Oh, right, shoot cork-pop guns at these bloody singers!

 **  
_to see if reindeer really know how to fly_   
**

They do know how to fly. Just they usually don't. People started makin' fun, there was badness, it was a whole big thing. Very ugly.

  


 **  
_And so I'm offering this simple phrase_   
**

Go. The. Hell. Home. That's my simple phrase.

 **  
_to kids from one to ninety-two_   
**

I'm thinking that if someone's ninety-two, he's not so much a kid as nearing worm-food.

 **  
_Although it's been said many times, many ways_   
**

Too many times and too many ways - will ya'll please shut up already?

 **  
_Merry Christmas to you_   
**

Sod off.

End

  



End file.
